Just for Laughs

I would like to dedicate this song to all of the Mother’s out there!

I took the kids to the market today. It was just a short little shopping trip and they loved it especially because we got one of the carts that has the car you get to drive. Both of them sat happily through the entire shopping trip. Besides Lexi climbing out of the side of the car and Hunter poking her in the eye, I would say it went rather well. We have had much worse, you know the kind of shopping trips when you grab the kids and just leave your half full shopping cart stranded on some random aisle of the store because all you know is that you have to get out of the store that second or you are going to lose it!

Anyway, I checked out, took the kids to the car, loaded my groceries into the car and went to grab the kids. When I turned and looked at Lexi she gave me her most mischievous smile and held up a small candy! We did not buy the candy and I knew she thought we were getting away with something. I gave her a very serious look and told her, “Oh, no Lexi we could be in BIG trouble! Did you take that from the store without paying for it?” She nodded yes and slowly began to get more serious. I told her that we needed to go back into the store and pay for the candy, so we would not be in trouble any more. Lexi was dead silent as we walked back to the store. When we got to the front door of the store she looked up at me with tears rolling down her cheeks and her bottom lip quivering and said, “Mommy, I don’t want the police man to get me!”

I took her in the store and told her that no one was going to take her and that we were just going to go get in line and pay for the candy. We got in line and she pointed to where the candy went on the shelf and said, “I don’t even want the candy anymore!” She was so upset we ended up just putting the candy back on the shelf and walking out of the store.

My one year old son, Hunter, has a obsession with the TV remote control. It must be a man thing! The first thing he does in the morning is find the remote and and he has been known to fall asleep holding the remote against his cheek like a stuffed animal. It’s funny because Hunter does not like to watch the TV at all and he could care less if we put in a kid movie for him, but he has this fascination with the remote control!

The other night my husband and I had put the kids to bed and sat down in front of the TV ready to relax and watch The Office. Well, our remote was mysteriously missing. We spent 45 minutes tip-toeing through the entire house looking for the remote. We were going through all the bedrooms, even the ones with our sleeping little ones, trying to think like a one year old would. We were just about to give up when my husband looked behind our toy basket in our living room and found the missing remote. This is not the first time we have had to hunt for our remote and I’m sure it will not be the last!

Lately my two year old is really in to naming things. Instead of the usual “What’s that?” that most two year old’s say, she says “What’s that name?”. I blame this on the dog, when we got our puppy we kept asking Lexi what we should name it. We have also had a lot of babies born in our extended family recently, so there has been lots of baby naming going on.

Anyway, this means that every day I have to name at least 50 of Lexi’s toys, book characters, and anything else interesting that we happen to see in passing. Lexi is so funny, because if you say a name that she doesn’t like she will say “No” and you have to name it again.

One day my mommy brain just couldn’t think of any more names. Grandma had just given Lexi two new puppy toys and they were lacking names. I was thinking and thinking, but I had nothing. Finally I just read the top of the little doggie house the puppies came with, Fisher Price. So, I told Lexi that the puppies names were “Fisher & Price”. She was very happy with these two names! Now usually the names I give to everything don’t stick and the next day we end up giving them new names, but not with “Fisher & Price”. Lexi loves these two puppies and their names have stuck. It is so funny to watch my little girl introduce her puppies “Fisher & Price” to anyone who will listen!

My one year old, Hunter, has never crawled. He actually started walking pretty well 4 days after his 1st birthday. But, he is still a little hesitant about walking, mostly because he can “scoot” much faster. Hunter has a special way of getting around that involves scooting around on his butt. I searched “butt scooting baby” on YouTube and was surprised at how many other “Scooter Baby’s” are out there. Thank you for letting me see that my son is not the only baby out there that prefers this type of transportation! It is funny everytime you see it, believe me I still laugh out loud almost every time I see my little Hunter scooting around!

Here is one of the videos I found…

My 2 year old says the funniest things lately, so I have decided to start a new category of posts called “What Lexi is saying…”. Hope you all enjoy my little toddlers funny comments, I know I do!

Today I put Lexi in the car and she said “I’m going to go get a coke at the zoo!”

I guess my love for Diet Coke is really starting to rub off on her, oops!

This last January my husband and I decided to take our two little ones to Disneyland for a few days to celebrate my daughters 2nd birthday. My mother-in-law works for an airline, so we were able to fly stand-by at minimal cost. Little did we know how difficult it would be to fly with a almost 2 year old and a 5 month old.

First we had to get from the car to the ticket counter with both kids, our giant stroller, both car seats and all our luggage. We strapped the kids into the stroller, my husband carried all our luggage and I balanced my daughters car seat on top of the stroller.

Once we made it to the ticket line the tricky part was trying to keep my little girl, Lexi, entertained without taking her out of the stroller. This was not easy and Lexi was begging to be held, which was impossible because of all the other stuff my husband and I were holding. So, she ended up crying through most of the line inspite of the funny faces, noises, and movements that my husband and I were trying to use to make her happy. Don’t you love the looks people give you when your kid is throwing a fit and you are trying every possible thing you can think of to make them stop, but it is just not working.

We made it to the ticket counter and somehow we managed to have all the important documents that were needed. Then came time to weigh the bags, I was praying that the diaper/toy/formula stuffed bag would not be over the weight limit. Luckily it was just under, so we didn’t have to pay any extra money.

On to check our bags through security. We wheeled all our stuff over and handed my daughters car seat and our luggage off to the airport staff. This was wonderful, because now all I had to manage was the stroller with our two kids and my husband could carry all of our carry-on luggage.

We thought it would be smooth sailing the rest of the trip… wrong! Going through security with two kids was so much work. When we finally got through the line we had to remove our shoes, the kids shoes, our coats, the kids coats, take the car seat out of the stroller, collapse the stroller, and then put everything up on the conveyer belt and walk through security. Then once we were through security we had to put our shoes back on, put the kids shoes back on, put our coats back on, put the kids coats back on, set the stroller back up, put the carseat back in the stroller, load the kids in the stroller again and get all of our carry-on luggage. The looks we got during this process were even better than in the ticket line when my daughter was throwing crying her eyes out. I wanted to scream at some of the people, “Yes, we are crazy for traveling with two kids under the age of 2, but we want our kids to have life experiences and if you don’t like it you should have picked another line!”

So, we made it through security and that had to be the worst part right? Wrong again!

We were flying stand-by and so that early boarding for people traveling with small children was not really us. We waited a little bit and then we got to board the plane. We take the stroller down the terminal and unload the kids right before we step on the plane. My husband, Travis, gets Lexi out of the stroller and I get our 5 month old son, Hunter. As I am lifting Hunter out of his car seat I can feel that his back is all wet. Oh, please no! I turn Hunter around and take a look at his back. Sure enough he has had a huge blow out! We walk on to the plane and I look desperately at the flight attendant and tell her I need to change him now. She directs me to the bathroom at the very front of the plane.

I never realized just how small airplane bathrooms are until this diapering experience. The changing table folds down from the side wall, which is at an angle, so it is like changing your baby in a small triangle area. I had to take all the clothes off of Hunter and dig through the diaper bag for a new outfit. The entire time I am in this bathroom Hunter is screaming like he has never screamed in his life! He is such a good baby and for some reason he just lost it. My husband was out sitting in his seat with our little girl and the guy next to him leaned over and said, “Did they bring a pig on the plane or something?” I don’t remember if my husband claimed the screeching little boy as his own or not. Back in the bathroom I have managed to change our screaming baby and am ready to start washing out his clothes, but I have pretty much had it. I put the dirty clothes in a plastic bag and throw the outfit in the trash, good bye outfit. Now I pick Hunter up and take a look in the mirror. I am sweating like crazy and look like I have been in a train wreck. I am sure all nursing Moms can relate to what happens when your child is screaming like crazy. I decide to focus on the good, which is Hunter has stopped crying now that I have picked him up, probably more from exhaustion than anything else.

I step out of the bathroom and this flying adventure hits its peak when I find that the whole plane has boarded and that I am standing at the front of the plane with all eyes on me and my baby. Now the looks I got from people at this point were the best by far, you would think that I was a terrorist or something. I hug Hunter a little closer and start walking down the aisle. I can almost hear the people sighing in relief as I pass their row and I can see the people in front of me secretly praying, “Please don’t sit by me!”. Finally I hit my row and see a man sitting next to my empty seat. I turn to him and say, “Aren’t you glad we get to sit by you?”. He smiles at me and says, “Don’t worry I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old waiting for me at home.” Thank you, someone who understands what being a parent is like!

I seriously considered just moving to California after this flight in order to avoid the plane ride home, luckily that flight went a lot better than this one.

I could give you some tips on flying, but my little girl who has been sitting on my lap as I type this just peed all over my leg so I am off to shower! Happy Parenting and Happy Flying to all of you who are daring enough to try after reading this post!

My 2 year old comes up with new words and phrases every day. Yesterday we were doing a Beauty and the Beast puzzle and she pointed at the feather duster and said “Ooo La La” in a very flirty kind of way. I don’t know where she picks these things up, maybe at Grandma’s? It was so cute and at the same time made me fear for the future flirty teenager that I will be raising! Watch out boys my lil’ girl is coming!

My little Lexi turned two the end of January, but it wasn’t until the last week that the “Terrible Two’s” actually hit. I mean sure there was that time in February when I went to take something outside to the garbage can and came back to find my door locked. Yep, Lexi locked me out of our house! It only took about 5 minutes of me talking to her through the door, before she unlocked it for me. But, hearing my screaming 6 month old inside with her made it feel like I was outside for about 3 hours. So scary! (Mental note: never leave your two year old alone inside your house if you do not have a key and a cell phone!)  Anyway she had been doing little things that a two year old does, but it was more just her being “curious” not “terrible”. Well, we have arrived at “terrible”! She screams, she hits, she throws tantrums and I am trying to figure out how to deal with her. Time outs do not work at all for her, she just sits there and laughs at me and I end up having to sit with her because there is no possible way her body would sit still long enough for a time out without my help. It seems like the best approach has been taking one of her toys away. But, even that one doesn’t always work. If anyone has some tips on how to deal with the “Terrible Two’s” please share with the rest of us!!

In the mean time I will try to keep my 2 year old under control and hope that she does not rub off on her little brother. Just yesterday I caught them teaming up together. My 7 month old was in his walker and Lexi had pushed him up against his crib so she could climb up on the tray of the walker and try to get into his crib. I walked in the room and they both looked up at me and just started laughing! I had to laugh too, but I am sure that was just a preview of all the trouble they are going to be able to cause together. Lucky Daddy & I!!

I received this email from my Grandpa today and I think it is hilarious. Kids say the craziest things, and if this story is true, it is right up there with some of the craziest stories I have heard from a child.

Enjoy!

The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade

teacher

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I

have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the

one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always

have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over

shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids

bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they

catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any

boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in

to school  and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,

very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the

front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my

baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his

birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their

love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and

Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an

umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the

pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my

camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts

saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a

hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the

house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid

is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers

babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the

Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like

this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the

wall.)

‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she

kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up

and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid

has her legs spread with her little hands miming water

flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push,

push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.’ They started

counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a

sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff

that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center

(placenta), so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked  him for crawling

up in there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow, and

returned to her seat.

I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since

then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder,

just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.